Expat Wives

Disclaimer - This is my own personal opinion and probably does not reflect what is the real situation.


Working in a company where there is a large number of expats and being able to blend in quite easily (only because I drink like a fish), it was interesting to meet the different expat wives. I think they generally fall into four categories - the divas, the bitches, the schemers and the run-of-the-mills.


Let's talk about the husbands first. Typically, husbands of the divas and bitches are much, much older and are in their second (at least) third, fourth or even fifth marriage. They're either bald or balding, beer guts spilling everywhere and highly unattractive. Their sense of humour are typically dry-British (or am I just hanging around too many Brits?). I have nothing bad to say about their personality, it can either be good or bad, I'm trying to be indifferent and judge purely on a shallow point of view.


Husbands of the schemers may not be much older than their wives but they are equally as unattractive, balding and have beer guts spilling everywhere. Their sense of humour is almost non-existent, though. They're much much more serious. The run-of-the-mill husbands are just that. Normal people, not really balding, some are attrative, some aren't. Their personalities are just ... run-of-the-mill. I guess I would call them the 'normal' people.


Now the interesting bit. The wives. The divas and bitches are in their 30's, divas are obviously more attractive than the bitches. And they're both skinny, always in fashionable clothes and a designer handbag. They're generally nice people, on the outside. God only knows what they're thinking on the inside. The difference between the divas and the bitches is that the divas will tell you their life story whereas the bitches play their cards closer to their chests.


If they're generally nice people, why have I got such horrible names for them? Let's explain purely by observation. The divas have extreme temper tantrums, yell and sometimes physically (not hard I hope!) abuse their husbands. When the husbands are talking to them, they barely listen, and only hear what they want to, often cutting into the conversation with some comment totally unrelated to the subject in hand. They call their husbands all day long for silly things like 'I need to know whether my Prada shoes goes with my Gucci handbag' or trivial things along the lines of this. They drink wine to be sophisticated, but I doubt very much if they can tell the cheap ones from the drinkable ones.

The bitches ... now we're talking. I like these the best. They generally have their nose in the air, look down on most people, bitch and moan about the smallest thing and are extremely high maintenance. Champagne or expensive dry white wine is their tipple. Their bling is always slightly understated but you can never fail to notice it. They LOVE to swear. The word f**k is attached to everything they say. Why do I like them? They give me the best entertainment value. Especially when they start to bitch and moan.

The schemers come in all shapes and forms. The cleverest thing is their brain, although it's not all that clever when you can almost see through it if you're outside the relationship. But they act like they're the run of the mill wives when they're actually scheming a way of getting as much of their husband's wealth as possible. Drinks? I don't think they drink, for fear of letting the cat out of the bag I guess. Don't need to add anymore to this, I'm sure we all know what I'm talking about.

The run of the mills. They're fun and funky. They genuinely have a good time when there's a good time to be had. I guess they're just like the normal you's and me's (unless of course you have identified yourself to be one of the other three types). Not much more to say here. Does what it says on the tin, just normal people, genuine great laugh to be with. Beers, wine, shots, non-alcoholic drinks even, they drink whatever everyone else is drinking and whatever takes their fancy.

Not sure if I can be an expat wife. For me, there's too much stigma attached to that sort of status. Especially being Asian, having a Caucasian husband and living in Asia. If I was one, I'd be a right bitch ... minus the ugly balding husband, obviously.

To those who are reading this and is actually an expat wife, I offer my sincerest apologies for the crude description. Don't take it to heart, it's only my shallow opinion :)